Continuing to train for the Komen Race

Ahhhhh -- got up at 9 AM today and went for the 5K run to Shirlington. Not as hot as yesterday so I did do a bit better. But still horribly off last year's pace (Sydney had to revive me). Mark has agreed to wear the pink shirt if I can beat his time from last year. Except that's almost impossible given the time left to train and the fact I have not managed to run without stopping a single time. But I guess I have 12 days and should give it a try! I wish I could muster the visualization I did when I shaved a bunch of time off my bike run and got Emily as a reward (which in hind site was maybe not the smartest thing to do -- I adored Emily but a Springer Spaniel, a baby and two other dogs was maybe a tad much ....). Will try to go earlier tomorrow -- it does get very hot which makes it harder. And I need to get up on weekdays because by the time I get home I'm way too tired and blow practice off.

Fund raising seems a lot harder this year -- have not even gotten to $3,000. Did manage to get Gail to sponsor me and I should be able to get Maggie -- she probably just forgot ......

Gonna go to Targets now and get a new outdoor umbrella and maybe a cushion -- the one I have looks horrible (keep forgetting to bring it in during the winter -- just as we keep forgetting to unhook the hose and end up having a mess!). We are then going to someone's house for dinner. I don't really know these people -- Mark thought I did and he asked me if I wanted to go. I thought he wanted to go and said OK. so he thought I wanted to go ...... Well end result is we are both going even though I would rather stay home and work on my paper ....

Intellectual Sydney

Anthony has been home for a week almost (and taking great photos of Sydney!). Getting a job has not been as easy as last year -- he didn't do such a good job keeping up with the folks at FAA he worked for last summer and over Christmas. Hopefully it will work out. Mark keeps hassling him. I figure he will have to work for decades -- nothing wrong with a bit of time off -- particularly given how hard Carnegie Mellon is.

So Mark keeps telling him if he doesn't have a job by Tuesday we will only pay half of his tuition. And I say no way. I told Mark as soon as he gets a job where he makes more than me, he can implement this rule. So now I told him he has to do so by Tuesday. Lol.

Anthony did clean the carpets -- which really needed it. And walked Miss Pressley.

I have wasted a lot of time on Facebook. Need to get some papers written -- I have just been so tired at night. And I have got to train for the race -- just two weeks. Have to go to Bonn right before -- but hopefully the hotel will have a gym so I can keep up. I will get up bright and early tomorrow -- have not done it a single time this week :-( By Monday I shall be running straight and have my two papers written ..... I know I can .............

Anthony is home for the summer!

Went to pick up Anthony today at Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh. I cannot believe that sophomore year is over. And what a total airhead I was about the process. When we went to pick up the rental SUV at Reagan National, I forgot to look and see what company we had rented from. So had to drive back home. Turns out that my guess (Thrifty) was right ... but the lines are long sometimes and you hate to waste an hour .... only to have to wait another ... and another ..... Mark drove the SUV home. I drove my car and managed to take the wrong exit and get lost ... even though I have done this dozens if not hundreds of times.

I drove first shift this morning. To the turnpike and to the first rest area. A bit over half way. Rewarded myself with a Starbucks and Mark took over. Did not hit the usual horrid Pittsburgh construction traffic .... made it in a bit over four hours ... including pit stop. Record time. Sydney was sooooo happy to see Anthony ... always amazed at how he recognizes him. This was the longest period without seeing him .... four months. To continue with the airhead theme .... forgot the packing boxes (as well as a camera for blog and Facebook pics!). But it actually worked fine ... stuff fitted better.

Decided to go to lunch on the turnpike. And as usual had to go almost half way to find a reasonable stop. There were outdoor tables so we were able to eat and not worry about Sydney. He met a few friends ... including a brand new puppy ... six weeks and already Sydney size. English mastiff I think. Anthony was super talkative on the way home. Which was funny because I was super sleepy and had to struggle to stay awake. His last exam was Tuesday and most of his friends went home so he probably was bored stiff.

I am soooo happy to have him home .... who knows, this could be the last time he is home for summer depending on what job he gets next summer. It just feels like he never left. And he was able to fix the Netbook .... which was not connecting to wireless after we connected it to a LAN line in Kuwait ...... I guess the pricey education pays off.

Mark is all wound up about Anthony having a job ... but honestly he will have his whole life to work and he works really hard -- I cannot believe how intense his program is. I'm so proud of him -- he surely is turning out to be a great human being.

Gonna go see the new Star Trek flick tomorrow. After an early mani (I am sooooo sleepy( and church (did not get back in time for Saturday). And I have a big job to complete. But I am soooooo happy that it doesn't really stress me :-)

The AIAA Honors and Awards Dinner

I am sooooo tired. Another very late night. We were invited to the AIAA Honors and Awards dinner. Funny -- last year had an awesome time (were at a table with a bunch of folks we knew really well). So I was really looking forward to it. But we were at a REALLY dull table. It was in the front row -- but I didn't really know anyone. Except an FAA guy -- who I don't know that well and frankly is a bit too full of himself. The people were nice -- but conversation was stiff ..... And the awards went on and on and on -- people were acting like the Academy Awards -- talking and talking and thanking everyone -- except it is not the Academy Awards -- it is boooooring. I think the format was more fun years ago -- unless maybe that was before I stopped drinking .... lol

I wore my Manolos. They feel very comfy -- but the balance is tricky. I love those shoes -- I am soooo happy Mark got them for me. My next goal is some red Jimmy Choos. Which I have to convince Mark to buy because buying them for me is too frivolous. Vince should be buying them as it is his fault I want them. But that's never gonna happen. Trying to get my Facebook friends to convince Mark. Merrie gave it a try .....

Oh well the evening is over -- got two boxes of Godivas as party favors (I stole Mark's) .... and I am one day closer to picking up Anthony!

The Fellows Dinner

Went to the AIAA (American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics) Fellows Dinner tonight. I cannot believe this was my 7th -- I was elected in 2003. I may have missed one -- but they all blur together. Funny -- I soooo wanted to be a Fellow. Worked my butt off doing service to AIAA. Chaired the big 2003 conference in Dayton in July 2003 to celebrate the Wright Brother's first flight centennial. I think that's what put me over the edge when I was elected in October 2002. Bought tickets (@ $100 a pop) for Mark, Anthony, Jim, Maggie and the Tusses for the big Awards dinner at which the new Fellows are introduced. Anthony was so cute in his tux. And John Travolta got some award at the Honors and Awards dinner at the Air Force Museum. Of course that is not where Fellows are inducted -- that happens at the Fellows Dinner -- cannot get in unless you are a Fellow. That first dinner is nice -- you have joined the club .....

Flash forward a few years (here I am pre-dinner with Sydney -- Mark was sure shaky!). Pay $115. Have dinner with a bunch of people who don't really care about clothes, shoes and spas and are not counting hours till the season finale of Grey's Anatomy .... Oh and these people -- the Guia's -- Professors at Cincinnati who know both me and Mark who were elected Fellows after me now ask where he is every year. They seem puzzle that I am a Fellow and he is not. Yolanda is going to nominate him this year ... I sure hope he is elected so I don't keep having to go to the dinner alone.

I was all crabby about having to go. To make matters worse I really did not know any of the new Fellows. But as it turned out I saw a few people that I needed to talk to -- saving me calls and e-mails at work. And I sat at a random table -- where I met a new Fellow who happened to be Cuban (I had to have a pic so I could send it to my Cuban friend who was carrying on when I was elected that he thought he would be the first Cuban Fellow -- so I guess at best three -- and who knows -- I cannot tell who is Cuban!). Also met this other really funny guy whose parents were Spaniard diplomats. We were all very interested in the "Camino de Santiago" -- the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela in Northern Spain -- where the remains of the Apostle St Jame's are. The Cuban guy had done it (but mostly by car -- so no indulgences for him) and the other guy's son had just done it. And of course we drove it last year -- and hope to walk it some day. were all carrying on -- and the English speakers asked what was going on. After our explanations -- they all looked like we were crazy.

Funny -- I actually had a good time. Except for the meal -- it was horrid. AIAA seems to be having financial troubles. Which makes sense given the economy -- attendance was down by 40% it seemed. So the lesson learned is that you never know what will happen and should probably keep an open mind ........

Mother's Day 2009

Survived Mother's Day. First time since 1989 without Anthony -- he was in the oven but still there. I thought I would feel really awful. But I e-mailed Juanchi's Mom to wish her a Mother's Day and found out that in Paraguay they celebrated Mother's Day some other day -- May 15th I think. In the UK it was March. So, at the end of the day, I came to the realization that Mark is right -- Mother's Day is after all a Hallmark Holiday. I even did not melt into tears when I read the Washington Post editorial on Mother's Day as an adult after your Mother has passed away .....

Of course it is easy to have perspective when Anthony is coming home on Saturday ....... And when you have super cute Sydney :-)

I signed up for the Komen Race Saturday night (no bet with Mark this year -- he is foregoing racing because of his infection/blood pressure issues -- which really seem a lot better -- think he's just afraid I will beat him -- and I am afraid I will kill him). So I decided to go running this morning. Ouch -- I was 10 minutes slower than last year (despite Sydney's help stretching) -- had to walk a bunch. I HAVE got to get into shape!

26th Anniversary

Today was our 26th anniversary. Went to the Carlyle Grand Cafe --- with Vince and Dan -- Vicki's husband. Not terribly romantic -- but Vince was in town from London and this was the only day he was available. Vicki was supposed to join us but she forgot and agreed to a speaking engagement out of town. Glad Dan did join us. Which kinda made him Vince's date ... but I didn't say anything ... at Vicki's advice.

Vince is probably our hippest friend. Well second -- next to Stephen -- his former partner (they broke up --- but seem to still be great friends -- they are now my Facebook buddies -- Stephen writes all the time -- Vince not so much). I wore my Manolos and bubble skirt I got in Barcelona in 2007 -- tres chic. Of course walking was not the easiest -- Mark had to drop me off by the door -- and they had us sit upstairs -- which was a challenge. How did Carrie Bradshaw manage to run in her Manolos through Manhattan? I had a glass of champagne and it did not help. But they are sooo cool -- and Vince approved. He also got it into my head that I need some Jimmy Choos ......

It was a great evening -- made all the better by the clean checkup at Hopkins ....

Visit to Hopkins ... all is well

Went to Hopkins today for my breast cancer screening. I go every six months -- and see the nurse. But this was also the mammo visit. I am usually quite nervous but I really worked myself into a tizzy this time. Ironically I had not really thought much about it until we got back from Kuwait. Because I was soooo worried about Mark. But then I made up for it ... to the point that by Monday I was totally dysfunctional (after spending the weekend messing on Facebook -- which did distract me ...). Had some distraction from a broken car window -- but that got fixed pretty fast. Tuesday was awful -- getting to a point where I could not make plans for two days hence ... which was really annoying people calling for appointments at work .......

I started to feel better after I e-mailed Becky. And Maggie reminded me of her mantra "I am happy, healthy, strong and free ... just as I am meant to be". And the book "How to be led by the Spirit ..." with its reminder that I can pray the prayer of the sick as well as any priest. And asking Bev .... my prayer partner when I really hit rock bottom to pray all helped a bit. Yet I really was becoming concerned that I would just not go ... I kept trying to think up reasons not to. It would just be so easy to follow my Mom's lead .... I wish I knew if she did not have treatment 'cause of her habit to "think about it in the morning" or out of fear. She just never seemed scared. I don't know why I think about this so much ... there is no way to know. She certainly was not the diary type. Or if she was Chuck our step dad never shared them.

Luckily Mark had agreed to take me 'cause I really don't think I would have gone otherwise. This morning I took one of the anxiety pills that the hospital gave him when he went to the ER (he didn't take any but I kept them for an emergency ....). I went to church ... as is my custom before my check ups. The pill really hit me ... and I slept all the way to Baltimore. Got to see Connie the nurse pretty quickly ... and she is quite good at reassuring me. We talked about taking tamoxifen or breast removal/implants. Maybe it is time to think about that ...... I also used the time to ask about Mark's symptoms and she assured me that cancer does not grow and shrink. Plus Mark took some pity on me and told me that the frequency/intensity of his glands swelling was much less. Which is certainly consistent with rare African diseases. Anyhow Connie said everything felt fine to her ... so on I went to mammography. I sorta hinted at needing happy pills but she asked me if I was mostly stressed about breast cancer ... and I said yes. So she said I had every reason to be concerned about that and she thought I was a lot better than when she met me in 2004 ... so no happy pills. Bummer.

Hopkins deals with survivors or high risk patients so they are pretty good at handling hysterical patients. They take you in pretty quickly. I usually have a first set scans, then the radiologist looks and I have some more and then an ultrasound. I had a chatty technician and told her about my history (have genetics and environment covered with Mom, sister, husband). I told her how they usually had to do extras so she might as well squeeze hard the first time. I was sitting in the dressing room e-mailing (some work -- mostly my friend Renee about mammos) when the technician came in and handed me the "no signs of cancer -- come back in a year paper. So two steps skipped. She told me after several visits it became easy to spot no changes and they do digital-- so it is not unusual after a while to just be sent on your way ......

It is impossible to describe the relief. I've experienced it 5 times now ... and the feeling always amazes me. Despite Maggie's best advice to choose the better thought "everything is OK" and Mark's difficulty grasping why I would think anything is wrong before it is ... I just mostly think of bad outcomes. The drop in Adrenalin is also something else ... an incredible exhaustion sets in. I went and got my car emissions/mechanical inspection and got that out of the way. And to the Mall for some gifts. Then came home and had a long nap before dinner. After dinner Mark looked at me and said "you sure look haggard" -- as well I should. I asked him to take a photo for my blog. Somehow the props seem to wash out the haggard. lol. Anyhow thanks to God for a very happy day. And to Mark for being willing to do something that he absolutely does not understand just because I asked him to. I guess there is a reason we will have been married for 26 years tomorrow. Guess I better go to bed as tomorrow will be a hard day 'cause folks at work will not give me the pre mammo room lol. But we get to ahve dinner with Vince who is here from London so that's cool!

Back Home ... for a week

Got home from Kuwait on Friday, April 25th. Trip home was not too bad ... through London, a 3+ hour layover. Enough for Starbucks and finding your way. And the last leg's flight was not crowded at all -- was able to lay down and sleep.

As usual the best part is seeing Sydney. Lynn had kept him -- she put him at our house before she went to bed, so he was here when we got home. He jumped and jumped. It is good to get home on Friday -- and have two weekend days ahead. I mostly slept ... and honestly have spent all week taking naps. I am just so tired.

Nest week (Wed, May 6) is my checkup at Hopkins. I am really nervous -- more so than ever -- I am now about the age when Mom must have first had it (she ignored symptoms until she was almost 50 -- and by then it was really far along). And older than when Maggie was diagnosed. I am supposed to have an MRI this time -- and they are notorious for false positives. Of course they are also better at finding stuff. I just keep thinking of what it would be like --being told you have breast cancer. The surgery -- or chemo -- or both. Just really scary. Mark promised me he would go with me this year (he was out of town last year -- I was all alone - other than Sydney) -- he was on travel. Hopkins gives you positive results right away. I think if they find something they do biopsies right there ...... but I don't really know. I'm scared.

Of course I can only focus on my tests at Hopkins so much. I actually did not start thinking about it till this week. Because I am so worried about Mark. He seemed better -- certainly in Kuwait. But he seemed really off tonight at church and at dinner. And earlier this week he was looking for infectious diseases Drs. on Mail Handlers. I didn't ask because he won't tell me. I really worry he is keeping something from me. I will deal with that after Wednesday -- I am praying all will be OK at Hopkins and then I can focus on other stuff .......