Sunday, February 8, 2009

Why am I still sad?


Yesterday I felt a bit better -- but today I am back to feeling despondent. There isn't a really good reason. We have good, reliable jobs (even if every once in a while we have "shut downs" and get sent home for dramatic purposes). Of course Mark continuously saying "if one of us loses their job then you can't do a, b, c," does not help. No one is sick. We have a beautiful dog. Anthony is at a top University.

I thought I was maybe panicky over not having presentations done for next week -- but those are done and sent in and I still feel sad. I still have way too much to do and need to work out how to fit in end of Feb and March because I cannot be in California, Italy, France and DC all at once ... But surely I can manage by making some choices.

This is the year I upgrade to MRIs for breast cancer checks -- maybe it is that -- but it doesn't happen till May -- and a more accurate check is better ..... you would think "early detection" would click.

Anthony is not coming home in March for Spring Break -- he is going to Florida instead. Maybe it is that -- but I think I have come to terms with it -- and he should be home within two months after that.

I continue to worry about Mark -- but he does seem better (back to falling asleep all the time - even though he gets up early and claims he has lots to do). Plus all of my spying has not revealed any great secret he is keeping from me .... unless he's gotten better at it.

I just don't know -- maybe I am too emotional .... make everything into drama. I wish I could trade places with Sydney for a week -- although he is pretty dramatic. Maybe I will feel better after teaching ESL. Helping others is always a cure for depression ......

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